5 minutes a night to get you happier and less stressed
5 minutes a night to get you happier and less stressed

Not a lot of people know this about me, but I once took an eight-week class about how to cope with chronic pain. The class was run by a hospital, and everything they taught was based in science. I was attending because I had hit my head, and it had led to a slew of health problems, a lot of which entailed chronic pain. That class ended up not only reducing my pain, but also left me feeling happier and more peaceful in general.

One of the tools I learned in the class was intended to decrease stress, anxiety, and depression, and it was the simplest, most elegant nightly activity that I’d never heard of before. So, I thought I’d share it with you. If you have five minutes to spare each night, you can totally do this in bed on your phone (I know, I know, we’re not supposed to be on our phones before bed, but do what you gotta do), or write it in a notebook if you prefer.

Here’s the exercise. Feel free to write down the answers to these wherever it’s convenient for you, and do your best to do this every night.

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2 things your friends need to hear when they're struggling
2 things your friends need to hear when they're struggling

While the therapeutic techniques we talk about in our other blogpost about how to support a friend are phenomenally helpful for anyone going through a rough time, we want to give you some more casual but equally powerful ways to help out your friends and loved ones. So, here are two simple but important things that might be helpful to hear for pretty much anyone going through a tough time.

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Mindfulness for people who hate mindfulness
Mindfulness for people who hate mindfulness

Modern mindfulness meditation practices often aren’t trauma-informed. So, it’s no wonder that a lot of people have trouble finding a practice that works for them.

And that’s unfortunate because when done well, mindfulness can offer so many benefits to your everyday experience of the world that research often has a tough time keeping up with all the wonderful things that mindfulness can do: it’s been shown to help smokers quit, reduce social anxiety, decrease chronic pain, improve memory, and so much more.

So here are some tips, from one person who used to absolutely hate meditation and all things mindfulness-related (and who now actually enjoys them), about how to make meditation and mindfulness work for you.

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Another trick to make conflict suck less
Another trick to make conflict suck less

The tool I want to mainly discuss here is something I call: The “We’re On The Same Team” sandwich (AKA the WOST Sandwich). It’s a technique designed to help both parties think in a more collaborative mindset instead of a competitive mindset, which is much likelier to yield higher quality solutions as well as just being more pleasant and connecting overall. The other thing I like about it is that it helps you still get your point across while giving you as good a chance as possible of feeling heard by the other person.

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How to live with uncertainty
How to live with uncertainty

Life can feel so much safer and more comfortable when we’re living in black and white, so our brains tend to cope with uncertain situations by thinking in more black and white terms.

But unfortunately, living in black and white often robs us of the ability to see our reality accurately. And seeing our reality as we wish it were as opposed to how it actually is often leads us to behave in ways that aren’t likely to get us the things we really want, like safety, security, and connection.

So how can we shift our thinking to become more comfortable living in the gray space? I’ve come up with some specific tips.

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One simple trick to make conflict suck less
One simple trick to make conflict suck less

With any relationship that engenders enough vulnerability and closeness, conflict is usually bound to come up. So one of the best approaches, I’ve found, is to be prepared for it and have a plan for how to handle it when conflict arises.


There’s already tons of literature about how to fight well, but I’ve found one trick that you might not be familiar with.


I call it the “emotional right-of-way.”

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Why your leadership isn't inclusive
Why your leadership isn't inclusive

I used to think my events were inclusive.

Whenever more than one person had an item of critical feedback for the event, I would do something to change it. I thought that was enough.

It took a long time for me to realize, but I was leaving a LOT of people in the lurch.

Because here’s the problem: the people who are the most systematically oppressed and who are therefore least likely to get their needs met, are often also the least vocal about their concerns.

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Watch Ashley Kirsner on SideHustle Live!
Watch Ashley Kirsner on SideHustle Live!

It’s hard for anyone to be vulnerable, but since I’m someone with a relatively large amount of privilege (for example, if I’m vulnerable and everybody ends up hating me for it, I’ll still be able to pay rent), I find it meaningful to normalize doing things imperfectly, and doing those things publicly and proudly.

So, here I am being totally silly and having the time of my life playing this ridiculous game called SideHustle with its creators. It was silly, it was “messy,” and it was absolutely hilarious.

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How NOT to support a friend
How NOT to support a friend

In light of my last blog post about how to support others, I wanted to also share one of the most common pitfalls that I often notice when people try to offer support to others. It’s a mistake that’s usually well-meaning, but its impact can add to the burden of the people you’re trying to support: taking the side of someone who’s not there.

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How to support a friend
How to support a friend

Every so often, I’ll see some content floating around the internet encouraging people to ask their friends and loved ones how they’d like to be supported.

I think that’s a great conversation to have, but in practice, it’s often best to have that conversation **before** anybody actually needs support. If your friend is crying on your couch, that’s often NOT the time to ask them how they prefer to be supported; people who are actively in pain often are not in a state to do the mental work required to educate others on how to best support them.

So, how are you supposed to know what to do when your friend IS crying on your couch? I’ve gathered some tips here based primarily on my suicide hotline training.

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How to reduce workplace loneliness
How to reduce workplace loneliness

Loneliness in general is rampant; studies conducted before the pandemic suggest that three out of five Americans are lonely, and a dearth of meaningful workplace relationships are a huge contributor to that. I’d imagine that given the spike of social isolation during the pandemic, those numbers are even worse now.

And in terms of the impact of loneliness on the workplace specifically, according to recent research, only 20% of employees “strongly agree” that they have a best friend at work. But if that percentage could budge to just 60%, companies would yield 12% higher profit, end up with 36% fewer safety incidents, and gain 7% more engaged customers.

So, if you’re in a position to influence the culture of your workplace, what can you do to create a culture of social connection at work?

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How to set a boundary
How to set a boundary

It may feel clumsy to set your first bunch of boundaries if you’re not used to it, but practice absolutely makes… well, not perfect, but definitely a lot easier and a lot less stressful! So if your first few (or fifty) boundaries feel difficult to deliver, don’t worry-- you’re in good company, and it gets a lot better the more you do it.

Below is a template you can use to set any boundary with anyone. This isn’t the only way to set a boundary, of course, but it can be a helpful place to start.

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How to *really* help after a communal tragedy
How to *really* help after a communal tragedy

After national tragedies, we often see an outpouring of support in the forms of donations and volunteer efforts.


And that’s a beautiful thing; humans empathize, feel the pain of others, and want to do whatever they can to alleviate that pain.


The potential problem with that is that often, while the underlying problems that cause these national tragedies are ongoing, the efforts to address them end up being short-lasting.


So how can we use the momentum we feel today to create long-lasting action that doesn’t burn us out? Here are some tips

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The surprising secret to productivity
The surprising secret to productivity

If you’re American, chances are that you’re bad at resting.


It’s not your fault; it’s deeply engrained in American culture that we need to “earn” our rests.


But we have it backwards.


We can’t expect to be productive in order to earn our rests; we actually NEED rest FIRST in order to be productive.

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It’s not just you: Why you feel weird lately
It’s not just you: Why you feel weird lately

If you’ve started feeling odd as we come up upon the one-year-anniversary since a lot of us started quarantining, it’s not just you. You might just be experiencing just one or a few of these things, but some things you may notice are:

  • Sleep problems

  • Strange or unpleasant dreams

  • Irritability

  • A feeling of restlessness

  • Feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and/or anxiety without a clear cause

  • Flare ups of chronic health issues


Does any of that sound like what your last few days or weeks have been like? If so, then you might be having a trauma anniversary.


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How to apologize: The ultimate template
How to apologize: The ultimate template

I love the above quote from Dr. Lauren Appio. I think it’s important for all of us to accept that for as long as we are alive, even when we don’t mean to, we are going to say things that hurt people. It’s not a matter of “if,” but “when.”

So, whether you’ve said something less-than-kind to a loved one or you’ve used the wrong pronoun for an acquaintance, here are some guidelines for how to respond.

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