Posts tagged self-compassion
The covid social phenomenon nobody's talking about
The covid social phenomenon nobody's talking about

Lots of articles are covering how socially awkward we’ve gotten ever since a lot of us have started socially isolating. But I’ve noticed a second, stranger social phenomenon lately that nobody seems to be talking about.

The pandemic has led us to become more critical of how we interact with others.

I hear it all the time these days— folks tell me that they should have done or said things differently in even the most mundane social interactions. A lot of people are having more invasive thoughts, more frequently, regarding how they could have or should have behaved differently. And a lot of folks are making negative assumptions about how they’re perceived by others.

Why is this happening? And why is it happening now?

Here are some psychological phenomena that might help us understand what’s going on.

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Ashley Kirsnercovid, social anxiety, ptsd, covid social anxiety, covid anxiedty, covid anxiety, pandemic anxiety, self-criticism, self-compassion, socializing during covid, socializing during the pandemic
How to get out of a bad mood
How to get out of a bad mood

A lot of us prepare for inevitable inconveniences in most areas of our lives; we keep spare tires, we have flashlights for when the electricity goes out, and the most accident-prone (or just prepared) among us tend to own first aid kits. But most of us don’t prepare for the inevitable emotional inconveniences of life: “bad moods,” including sadness, anxiety, and anger.

That’s why it can be a great idea to create a “bad mood menu.”

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Ashley Kirsnerbad mood menu, how to feel better, get out of a bad mood, how to get out of a bad mood, skip the small talk, anxiety, anger, big feelings, loneliness, grief, self-compassion, prepare for bad mood, prepare for bad moods, difficult emotions, prepare for difficult emotionsComment
How to not be socially awkward
How to not be socially awkward

As people emerge from their quarantine shells and start attending social gatherings again, a lot of us are feeling more socially awkward than usual. That’s totally normal to feel strange after not interacting with people in a social setting for a while!

So I wanted to offer a strategy for coping with social discomfort, whether it’s coming from post-quarantine awkwardness, chronic social anxiety, or something in between.

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Ashley Kirsnerawkwardness, awkward, social awkwardness, I feel awkward, socially awkward, I'm socially awkward, how do I be less awkward, be less awkward, how to be less awkward, how can I be less awkward, tips to not be socially awkward, tips for introvertsx, tips for shyness, tips for being shy, pandemic awkwardness, how do i be less awkward, how can i be less awkward, how to stop being awkward, how to stop being socially awkward, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, how to be less socially awkward, be less socially awkward, conquer social anxiety, conquer social awkwardness, social anxiety, how to not be socially anxious, socially anxious, self-compassion, mindfulness, belly breaths, meditation, breathing exercise, breathing exercises, breath, anxiety reduction, social anxiety reduction, reduce social anxiety, how do I stop being anxious, how do I stop being socially anxious, stop being socially anxious, stop social anxiety, how to not be socially awkward, not be socially awkward, stop being socially awkward, stop being awkwardComment
How to grieve without losing your mind
How to grieve without losing your mind

To be clear, though, it’s also fine if you DO lose your mind while grieving. Even if you’re feeling pressure to “hold it together” from loved ones, coworkers, or others, it is totally normal to not be able to live up to your usual obligations.

While it’s totally fine to not “have your life together,” you still deserve to feel supported and grounded as often as possible while you’re grieving. So here are some tips for lightening your burden.

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Ashley Kirsnergrief, grieving, how to grieve, how to get over a breakup, how to get over a break up, get over a breakup, get over a break up, get over a break-up, how to get over a break-up, lost my mom, lost my dad, my dad died, my mom died, my son died, my daughter died, I lost my son, I lost my daughter, how to cope with grief, how to cope with loss, how to deal with loss, how to deal with grief, The Dinner Party, dinner party, self-care, self-compassion, mindfulness, mindful acceptance, radical acceptance, how to grieve without losing your mindComment
5 signs that it's time for a friend break-up
5 signs that it's time for a friend break-up

Friend break-ups may be hard, but not breaking up with a friend who’s draining you consistently is even harder. So I’ve put together some tip offs that I recommend using to know if it’s time to let go of a friendship. Of course, there’s no one perfect method for determining what you should do, but I hope these guide you in making a decision that serves you as well as possible. So here are some signs you might want to re-think a friendship (or really any kind of relationship).

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Ashley Kirsnerfriend break-up, friendship break-up, friends, friendship, metaconversation, metaconversations, meta-conversation, meta-conversations, self-compassion, abusive friendship, abusive relationship, breakup, break-up, breakups, break-ups, breaking up, when to break up, when to break-up, when to break up with a friend, signs it's time for a friend break-up, when to end a friendship, end a friendship, end of a friendship, how to end a friendship Comments
The #1 motivation killer and what you can do about it
The #1 motivation killer and what you can do about it

If you’re anything like me, you have some to-do list items that have been hanging out on your back-burner for anywhere from weeks to months to… sure, I’ll admit it… years. Whether it’s cleaning your room or starting a work project or reaching out to a loved one, I’ve found one common thread in most to-do list items with longer-than-you’d-expect shelf lives.

That thread is shame.

I’ve coined a term for this specific manifestation of shame that I hope will help illustrate how this all tends to unfold. I call it “The Dial Your Grandma Effect.”

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Ashley Kirsnershame, self-compassion, motivation, how to be motivated, how to get motivated, get motivated, get motivation, i need motivation, I need motivation, dial your grandma, dial your grandma effect, call your grandma, call your grandma effect, long to-do list, forever to-do list items, procrastinating, procrastinationComment
2 things your friends need to hear when they're struggling
2 things your friends need to hear when they're struggling

While the therapeutic techniques we talk about in our other blogpost about how to support a friend are phenomenally helpful for anyone going through a rough time, we want to give you some more casual but equally powerful ways to help out your friends and loved ones. So, here are two simple but important things that might be helpful to hear for pretty much anyone going through a tough time.

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Ashley Kirsnerhow to support a friend, how to support, how to support your friend, how to help a friend, how to help your friend, how to support your loved ones, how to help your loved ones, how to emotionally support a friend, how to emotionally support your friend, how to emotionally support, emotional support, it's not your fault, you are loved, struggling, my friend is struggling, friend is struggling, friends are struggling, my friends are struggling, self-compassion, 2 things your friends need to hear when they're struggling, 2 things your friends need to hear, 2 things your friend needs to hear, 2 things your friend needs to hear when they're struggling, Skip the Small Talk, blog, blog post Comment
How to live with uncertainty
How to live with uncertainty

Life can feel so much safer and more comfortable when we’re living in black and white, so our brains tend to cope with uncertain situations by thinking in more black and white terms.

But unfortunately, living in black and white often robs us of the ability to see our reality accurately. And seeing our reality as we wish it were as opposed to how it actually is often leads us to behave in ways that aren’t likely to get us the things we really want, like safety, security, and connection.

So how can we shift our thinking to become more comfortable living in the gray space? I’ve come up with some specific tips.

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Ashley Kirsneruncertainty, limbo, how to live with uncertainty, how to sit with uncertainty, how to be with uncertainty, waiting for diagnosis, waiting for a diagnosis, waiting on a diagnosis, waiting in limbo, how to deal with uncertainty, deal with uncertainty, black and white thinking, cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, CBT, cbt, self-care, cost exposure, probability exposure, cbt exposure, CBT exposure, CBT exposures, happiness, resilience, people are happier than you expect, people are happier than expected, people are surprisingly happy, how to be chill, be chill, self care, self-compassion, how to reduce anxiety, how to deal with anxiety, how to anxiety, anxiety, anxious, i'm anxious, I'm anxious, feeling anxious, feel anxious, I feel anxious, feel less anxious, how do I feel less anxious, how can I feel less anxious, cope with uncertainty, how to cope with uncertainty, uncertain, uncertain times, affective forecasting, immune neglect, Dan Gilbert, Daniel Gilbert, Stumbling on Happiness, stumbling on happiness Comments
How to support a friend
How to support a friend

Every so often, I’ll see some content floating around the internet encouraging people to ask their friends and loved ones how they’d like to be supported.

I think that’s a great conversation to have, but in practice, it’s often best to have that conversation **before** anybody actually needs support. If your friend is crying on your couch, that’s often NOT the time to ask them how they prefer to be supported; people who are actively in pain often are not in a state to do the mental work required to educate others on how to best support them.

So, how are you supposed to know what to do when your friend IS crying on your couch? I’ve gathered some tips here based primarily on my suicide hotline training.

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Ashley Kirsnersupport, how to support a friend, how to listen, listening, how do I support my friend, how do I support my grieving friend, how can I support, how can I be more supportive, how can I be supportive, Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, validate, validation, validating, reflect, reflection, reflecting, open-ended questions, strategic open-ended questions, strength-based, strengths-based, make people feel heard, how to make people feel heard, how to help people feel heard, how to help someone feel ehard, how to help someone feel heard, suicide hotline, what do they teach you at a suicide hotline, suicide hotline training, difficult conversations, how to have a difficult conversation, how to have a hard conversation, how do i have a hard conversation, how do i have a difficult conversation, problem-solving, self-care, self-compassion, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, Skip the Small Talk blog post, how can I be a better friend, I want to be a better friend, I want to be a better boyfriend, how do I be a better boyfriend, how can I support my girlfriend, how do I support my girlfriend, how do I support my boyfriend, how can I support my boyfriend, how can I be there for, how can I be there for my friend, how can I be there for my friends, how can I be there for my girlfriendComment
How to *really* help after a communal tragedy
How to *really* help after a communal tragedy

After national tragedies, we often see an outpouring of support in the forms of donations and volunteer efforts.


And that’s a beautiful thing; humans empathize, feel the pain of others, and want to do whatever they can to alleviate that pain.


The potential problem with that is that often, while the underlying problems that cause these national tragedies are ongoing, the efforts to address them end up being short-lasting.


So how can we use the momentum we feel today to create long-lasting action that doesn’t burn us out? Here are some tips

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Ashley Kirsneraapi shooting, aapi, atlanta, atlanta shooting, national tragedy, tragedy, how to help, how to help after a national tragedy, activism, activist, social justice, skip the small talk, skip the small talk blog, blog, blog post, blogpost, skip the small talk blogpost, skip the small talk blog post, charity, donate, donation, how to help after, massage parlor shooting, spa shooting, domestic terrorism, domestic terrorist, domestic terrorist attack, terrorist attack, attack, where to donate, where to volunteer, how to volunteer, how to donate, where to donate after shooting, where to volunteer after shooting, where to volunteer after atlanta shooting, where to donate atlanta shooting, self-compassion, how to apologize, till your acre, behavioral economics, reward bundling, joyful activism, joy in activism, joy, joyful, volunteering, volunteer, donating, suicide hotline, you're doing enough, rage after shooting, sadness after shooting, sad after shooting, furious after shooting, how to really help after a national tragedy Comments
How to apologize: The ultimate template
How to apologize: The ultimate template

I love the above quote from Dr. Lauren Appio. I think it’s important for all of us to accept that for as long as we are alive, even when we don’t mean to, we are going to say things that hurt people. It’s not a matter of “if,” but “when.”

So, whether you’ve said something less-than-kind to a loved one or you’ve used the wrong pronoun for an acquaintance, here are some guidelines for how to respond.

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Ashley Kirsnerapology, apologize, how to apologize, how to say sorry, how to say you're sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, i'm sorry, how to say I'm sorry, I messed up, I fucked up, I messed up what do I do, I screwed up, I screwed up what do I do, self-compassion, compassion, social justice, pronouns, how to get pronouns right, trans rights, how to learn someone's pronouns, how to make a mistake, I made a mistake, how to make it up to her, how to make it up to you, how do I make it up to her, how to make it up to him, how do I make it up to him, how to make it up to them, how do I make it up to them, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, blog, blog post, Skip the Small Talk blog post, decision tree, Dr. Lauren Appio, Dr. Appio, systemic injustice, systemic racism, mispronounced someone's name, now what?, what do I do?, what should I do?, the ultimate guide to apologizing, the ultimate template, template, apology template, apologizing template, template for apologizing, self-deprecation, racism, anti-racist, anti-racism, empathy, empathizing, how to empathize, how to have empathy, when to apologize, anger, angry, someone's mad at me, someone's angry at me, they're angry at me, angry at me, mad at me, they're mad at me, someone mad at me, make mistakes, making mistakes, oops, whoops, my bad, my b, apologies, my apologies Comment
10 questions to ask yourself for the new year
10 questions to ask yourself for the new year

Sometimes, a little reflection can be helpful for ushering you through transitions. The new year happens to be a great opportunity to introspect on the last 365-ish days, and an especially good time to start new habits. So, we’ve come up with ten questions to help you make meaning of the last year and to move with direction into the next. As always, we encourage you to delve deeper into the questions that jibe with you and to leave the ones that don’t.

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BlogAshley Kirsnernew years, new year, reflection, questions, resolution, new years resolution, new years resolutions, compassion, self-compassion, self improvement, new habits, break old habits, habits, ten questions, ten questions to ask yourself for the new year, 10 questions to ask yourself for the new year Comment
Three life lessons from the movie Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Three life lessons from the movie Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Mr. Rogers was the dad America needed. The biographical movie Won’t You Be My Neighbor does an incredible job of showing us why. Whether you saw the movie and want some help processing or whether you didn’t see it but still want some takeaways, enjoy these three big life lessons via the sweatered socioemotional powerhouse, himself.

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Ashley KirsnerMr. Rogers, life lessons, neighbor, socioemotional, socioemotional learning, socioemotional intelligence, emotions, feelings, anger, hope, doubt, self-doubt, self-esteem, self-compassion, motivation, inspiration, inspirational, motivationalComment
Why you need self-compassion in your life and how to do it (even when you don’t want to)
Why you need self-compassion in your life and how to do it (even when you don’t want to)

At Skip the Small Talks, we ask attendees to have compassion for others and for themselves as they try out new ways to hold conversations. It’s probably obvious why we care about people having compassion for each other at an event where strangers are getting to know each other for the first time, but equally if not more important in that context is self-compassion. That’s because any attempt at change or improvement generally goes much more smoothly if you’re not beating yourself up after every setback. Connecting genuinely often requires taking some risks (like sharing things that feel a little vulnerable), and having compassion for yourself when those risks don’t pan out the way you hope can help you continue taking some risks in the long-term, and can help make the learning process easier for you in the short-term. 

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BlogAshley Kirsnercompassion, self-compassion, Skip the Small Talk, blogpost, skip the small talk, hotline, suicide hotline, listening, talking, self-love, vulnerability, genuine, communicating, communication, communication skills, coping skills, coping, distress tolerance, tolerating distress, resilience, psychological well-being, well-being, happiness, mood, happy, friends, friendship, strenghts, positive psychology, positivity, help, criticism, critique, be kind to yourself, worthy, worthiness, you are worthy, self-talk, positive self-talk, mental health, mental wellness, Skip the Small Talks, authentic, conversations, conversation, evolutionary psychology, evolution, negative, negativity bias, negativity, gratitude, asking for help, reaching out for help, reach out for help, reach out, reaching outComment