How to support a friend

Every so often, I’ll see some content floating around the internet encouraging people to ask their friends and loved ones how they’d like to be supported.

I think that’s a great conversation to have, but in practice, it’s often best to have that conversation **before** anybody actually needs support. If your friend is crying on your couch, that’s often NOT the time to ask them how they prefer to be supported; people who are actively in pain often are not in a state to do the mental work required to educate others on how to best support them.

So, how are you supposed to know what to do when your friend IS crying on your couch? I’ve gathered some tips here based primarily on my suicide hotline training.

Ashley KirsnerApril 8, 2021support, how to support a friend, how to listen, listening, how do I support my friend, how do I support my grieving friend, how can I support, how can I be more supportive, how can I be supportive, Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, validate, validation, validating, reflect, reflection, reflecting, open-ended questions, strategic open-ended questions, strength-based, strengths-based, make people feel heard, how to make people feel heard, how to help people feel heard, how to help someone feel ehard, how to help someone feel heard, suicide hotline, what do they teach you at a suicide hotline, suicide hotline training, difficult conversations, how to have a difficult conversation, how to have a hard conversation, how do i have a hard conversation, how do i have a difficult conversation, problem-solving, self-care, self-compassion, Skip the Small Talk, Skip the Small Talk blog, Skip the Small Talk blogpost, Skip the Small Talk blog post, how can I be a better friend, I want to be a better friend, I want to be a better boyfriend, how do I be a better boyfriend, how can I support my girlfriend, how do I support my girlfriend, how do I support my boyfriend, how can I support my boyfriend, how can I be there for, how can I be there for my friend, how can I be there for my friends, how can I be there for my girlfriendComment

One quick tip for way better conversations

“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings,” said Stephen King, riffing off of a William Faulkner quote about writing. King and Faulkner were pointing out that the best writers are willing to erase portions of their writing that don't fit the larger story, even if the writing itself is good.

It’s the same with conversations. The best conversationalists are willing to go with the flow instead of trying to insert a thought from a few minutes ago wherever they can, even if that thought is clever, funny, or insightful. They're willing to give up contributing any given idea in order to be more present.

Ashley KirsnerFebruary 21, 2018conversation, conversationalist, kill your darlings, interrupting, interruption, tips, conversation tips, conversation tip, how to talk to people, talk to people, mindfulness, mindful, listening, how to listen, active listening, being present, presentComment

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