there’s this really common thing that happens when we are nervous - we shift the focus onto ourselves to cope. we mostly don’t even realize we are doing it. but it sends the signal we aren’t interested in others, and makes us less likable.

you know when you’re giggling with a new friend over something you totally thought no one else would get? yeah. that. there’s a lot of closeness we can build if we don’t shy away from being a little embarrassing or awkward with eachother.

we all need to cancel socializing from time to time, and sometime we aren’t “feeling it”. But the real thing is we need to build up social momentum with positive reinforcement! it’s better than rotting, we promise.

this week we tackle how to show up to a full room, join group conversations, meet individual people, and think about why it feels so dang awkward to do this when - we’re all here to do it, most of the time?

there’s a lot of first date advice on the internet, but this week we talk about an overlooked mistake that ruins both first dates - and friendships.

at some point in our life, we have all been told we just need to “put ourselves out there” to get what we want. Friends, dates, even jobs. Even worse, more than once somebody around the crudité tray at the function thinks this is an appropriate pep talk following a break up, big life change, or other transition. Personally, I’ve never felt a lightning bolt of insight come through when someone suggests “putting myself out there”.

This week we explore why this advice rankles and the wisdom of having a plan in place.