to help you Skip the Small Talk in your everyday life
If you’re out there Googling, “What is burnout?” (or clicking on an article called “What is Burnout” wherever you found this), chances are that you’re feeling some burnout symptoms already. That’s okay and totally normal! Pandemic burnout is so widespread that some even argue that it’s created a whole new kind of burnout, so you’re definitely not alone. So, what is burnout, anyway?
Read MoreChances are, you have at least one memory of rolling your eyes at a forced “icebreaker activity,” or maybe you’ve led an icebreaker activity that led everyone in the room to emotionally “check out” for a bit. It can feel mortifying to be on either side of a poorly executed icebreaker activity, so whether you’ve been the eye-roller or the eye-rollee, it’s a totally common thing to happen, and you’re definitely not the first. It’s hard to come up with great icebreakers, and even harder to deliver them well! So here are some tips that’ll help you avoid that dreaded silence.
Unless you were raised by Mr. Rogers, himself (content warning for some older ways of viewing gender 1:25-1:35), chances are that you didn’t get much education about how to cope with anger. Anger often comes with a sense of restless energy that won’t relent until it’s dealt with, but “dealing with it” in the way that might feel most natural could lead to bricks in windows, fists in walls, and other situations that might get you into more trouble than they’re worth. So, what’s a pissed off person to do? We’ve developed a simple-but-effective go-to strategy for when you’re feeling angry.
Read MoreLife will throw plenty of unpredictability at you. So why do so many of us go seeking out chaos in the areas of our lives where we actually have control? The short answer: seeking out chaos is a trauma response.
For those of us who grew up in chaotic environments— whether that chaos is from abusive caretakers, anxious caretakers, or even just caretakers who bickered in front of you— we’ll often feel the most comfortable in chaos. And that means that when given the option, we may tend to choose living spaces, friends, jobs, partners, hobbies, etc. that are chaotic in some way or another.
Choosing chaos in general isn’t necessarily a bad thing! We wouldn’t have anyone working in emergency rooms, or picking up the phone for folks who dial 911, or even acting, for that matter, if there weren’t some people who thrived in chaos. It’s a superpower. But it can also be a drain on your energy if you’re not careful.
That’s why I suggest, especially if you are someone who grew up in chaos and are drawn to chaos, to take inventory of your life from time to time by asking yourself the following question:
Read MoreA lot of us prepare for inevitable inconveniences in most areas of our lives; we keep spare tires, we have flashlights for when the electricity goes out, and the most accident-prone (or just prepared) among us tend to own first aid kits. But most of us don’t prepare for the inevitable emotional inconveniences of life: “bad moods,” including sadness, anxiety, and anger.
That’s why it can be a great idea to create a “bad mood menu.”
Read MoreWe just had a paper published about Skip the Small Talk and we couldn’t be more stoked about the results!
Read MoreIn conflict, it’s way too easy to inadvertently ratchet up each other’s anger levels. All it takes is a little bit of negativity, and if you’re not careful, you’ll both be sucked down a rabbit hole of anger and finger-pointing.
Since things can devolve so quickly once a conversation gets heated, it’s helpful to take steps to start off with as big of a positive, warm, and kind buffer as possible.
Read MoreLong-time Skip the Small Talker Kip Clark made the news for offering “free listening” in Cambridge, MA (and check out Skip the Small Talk’s mention in the video, too)!
Read MoreFor a lot of us, it seems that Zoom calls are here to stay. So here are some tips for structuring your online video calls, both work-related and social, to get the most out of them without getting totally drained.
Read MoreI’ve seen a lot of content about how to be charming, and a lot of it is based in fooling people or creating power dynamics where others feel like they’re below you in some way. That may “work” in the short term (for various definitions of “work”), but I think that at best, they lead to unsatisfying interactions for all people involved. And at worst, those strategies for being charming can lead to abusive dynamics.
So what can you do instead? Here are some tips for being charming in a way that’ll actually feel good for both you and the people you’re talking to.
Read MoreWhether you need an icebreaker for a classroom, boardroom, or living room, we’ve got you covered. Here are some options that get people to open up without making them feel like they’ve been put on the spot.
Read MoreWe’ve already talked about how to know it’s time for a friend break-up, but how do you know that someone would make a good friend? Here are four “green flags” that suggest you might want to keep someone in your life.
Read MoreAs people emerge from their quarantine shells and start attending social gatherings again, a lot of us are feeling more socially awkward than usual. That’s totally normal to feel strange after not interacting with people in a social setting for a while!
So I wanted to offer a strategy for coping with social discomfort, whether it’s coming from post-quarantine awkwardness, chronic social anxiety, or something in between.
To be clear, though, it’s also fine if you DO lose your mind while grieving. Even if you’re feeling pressure to “hold it together” from loved ones, coworkers, or others, it is totally normal to not be able to live up to your usual obligations.
While it’s totally fine to not “have your life together,” you still deserve to feel supported and grounded as often as possible while you’re grieving. So here are some tips for lightening your burden.
Read MoreMaking friends as an adult can be rough. Even as an extrovert with a lengthy list of hobbies and interests, it took me several years of living in Boston to find a group of friends I jibed with. Along the way, I tried everything from meetups to going to any local event that even tangentially related to any of my interests— I even joined a craft beer club for several years to try to meet new people. I didn’t even like beer!
Along the way, I learned what sort of stuff does— and doesn’t— actually work for making new friends. Here are some tips.
Read MoreFriend break-ups may be hard, but not breaking up with a friend who’s draining you consistently is even harder. So I’ve put together some tip offs that I recommend using to know if it’s time to let go of a friendship. Of course, there’s no one perfect method for determining what you should do, but I hope these guide you in making a decision that serves you as well as possible. So here are some signs you might want to re-think a friendship (or really any kind of relationship).
Read MoreIf you’re anything like me, you have some to-do list items that have been hanging out on your back-burner for anywhere from weeks to months to… sure, I’ll admit it… years. Whether it’s cleaning your room or starting a work project or reaching out to a loved one, I’ve found one common thread in most to-do list items with longer-than-you’d-expect shelf lives.
That thread is shame.
I’ve coined a term for this specific manifestation of shame that I hope will help illustrate how this all tends to unfold. I call it “The Dial Your Grandma Effect.”
Read MoreNot a lot of people know this about me, but I once took an eight-week class about how to cope with chronic pain. The class was run by a hospital, and everything they taught was based in science. I was attending because I had hit my head, and it had led to a slew of health problems, a lot of which entailed chronic pain. That class ended up not only reducing my pain, but also left me feeling happier and more peaceful in general.
One of the tools I learned in the class was intended to decrease stress, anxiety, and depression, and it was the simplest, most elegant nightly activity that I’d never heard of before. So, I thought I’d share it with you. If you have five minutes to spare each night, you can totally do this in bed on your phone (I know, I know, we’re not supposed to be on our phones before bed, but do what you gotta do), or write it in a notebook if you prefer.
Here’s the exercise. Feel free to write down the answers to these wherever it’s convenient for you, and do your best to do this every night.
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