Posts tagged should I break up with my girlfriend?
Why your life is hard and how you can fix it
Why your life is hard and how you can fix it

Life will throw plenty of unpredictability at you. So why do so many of us go seeking out chaos in the areas of our lives where we actually have control? The short answer: seeking out chaos is a trauma response.

For those of us who grew up in chaotic environments— whether that chaos is from abusive caretakers, anxious caretakers, or even just caretakers who bickered in front of you— we’ll often feel the most comfortable in chaos. And that means that when given the option, we may tend to choose living spaces, friends, jobs, partners, hobbies, etc. that are chaotic in some way or another.

Choosing chaos in general isn’t necessarily a bad thing! We wouldn’t have anyone working in emergency rooms, or picking up the phone for folks who dial 911, or even acting, for that matter, if there weren’t some people who thrived in chaos. It’s a superpower. But it can also be a drain on your energy if you’re not careful.

That’s why I suggest, especially if you are someone who grew up in chaos and are drawn to chaos, to take inventory of your life from time to time by asking yourself the following question:

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Three relationship tips you won’t find in Cosmo
Three relationship tips you won’t find in Cosmo

Whether you’re looking for a good fit with a friend, a romantic partner, or even a new workplace, you’ve probably heard tips like “communication is key” and “stick with someone/somewhere that encourages you to grow” and “go with your gut.” Sometimes even those clichés can be useful, but there are some other “tells” about how any given relationship is going that can be easy to miss if you’re not looking for them, especially since they aren’t as culturally emphasized as platitudes like “follow your heart.” Of course, these aren’t going to be the *only* things you should pay attention to, but they can all be easy to overlook, particularly if you are focusing some portion of your energy on appearing desirable to the other person/ workplace/ whatever.
 

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