Why It’s So Hard to Turn Acquaintances Into Actual Friends (and What Helps)

Why It’s So Hard to Turn Acquaintances Into Actual Friends (and What Helps) 

So, maybe you’ve followed the artisan brewed Skip the Small Talk advice we share each week. You’ve honed your question asking skills, you’ve shown up consistently to things you actually like to do, and now you know some folks. There are group chats and notes in your calendar about upcoming connections. And yet, no one has quite clicked over into the friend realm.

Why is it so hard to turn acquaintances into actual friends?

Friendships are like orchids. Most of them are not actually that hard to grow, once you have the specific know-how, but they are still rare. Not every acquaintance will become a ride-or-die. And having a solid outer circle of friendly acquaintances and social connections is important for building a solid foundation in life.

But we do also need the friendships that stick with us for years or a lifetime, shaping us and enriching our lives. Busyness and the stress of day to day living can make it hard to go deeper. And, frankly, we can also be too passive: expecting people to come to us with a fully formed friendship we can plug in to.

So what helps? 

Consistency is key, so not just appearing somewhere regularly but consistently showing up oriented and ready to extend your friendship to those people already in your circle.

You can practice consistency, meet new people, and start working these strategies for deeper connections by regularly attending Skip the Small Talks near you!

3 Tips

act like a friend - be open and upfront if you like someone, “you make days at the office fun! Would you like to hang out as friends?”; think of you acquaintance as a friend already, what would you? Acknowledge their birthday and day to day victories, tell little jokes, share about yourself.

• invite them along - if you’re off to do a fun activity, or even just grab your favorite noodles after pick up soccer practice, invite them along. You can also deploy the errand hang strategy - bringing folks into daily life is a great way to move into deeper friendship. Friendship is so much about accompanying one another through life - so invite them.

• ask a favor - vulnerability is a key to lasting relationships and asking for a small favor (and returning them!) is a great invitation into vulnerability. What do you need? As simple as a hair tie or a ride from the airport, all the way through a weekend of chinchilla-sitting or other bigger lifts can help build the kind of mutuality that is core to friendship