How to Go to Social Events Alone (Without Feeling Awkward)

How to Go to Social Events Alone (Without Feeling Awkward)

the way back machine

I remember my first months after leaving home, a freshly minted adult, trying to discover the world and make new connections beyond my home community. I struggled so much to pick between the seemingly endless options, plus I was often all alone! 

I did manage it, mostly by brute force. I went to improv shows and movie screenings, organization meetings and museums. Once I got there, I usually had a great time - and eventually, I did build up a social circle.

why we are anxious about going out alone

And although I do now know I enjoy my own company and my own activities, that feeling of “ugh but I couldn’t possibly go ALONE!” still rears its head from time to time. There are a few common reasons people struggle with going out alone

1. An often unconscious belief that you need someone with you, or can only justify doing something fun if it’s for someone else

2. The people you’re trying to connect with will judge you or think you’re weird for being out alone

3. Not actually wanting to go out alone

4. Anticipating unwanted romantic attention

Each of these could be their own essay, but here are some quick antidotes:

1. Beliefs like this, especially unconscious ones, can take a long time to shift completely. Start by asking, even if this feels true generally, can I just try for one event/a few hours, and see what happens?

2. They won’t, promise! It can feel like there’s a spotlight on us when we’re flying solo, but truly - by and large - people won’t even register that you’re out alone. And if they do, it will be as introductory comment to say something else

3. Yeah, it’s rough - but there are wonderful parts about it. You can only discover them if you try. One of mine is the freedom to do exactly what I want to do without having to consider a companion’s preferences.

4. Real. So real. Just like we carry an umbrella when it looks like rain, preparing for this possibility is probably the best bet - plan what you’ll say and do if it happens. Set up a safe person to text or call to confirm you get home or who can call you when an EMERGENCY if you need to get out of a situation.

strategy time

Have I convinced you yet? Okay, good! Now here are three strategies for going to social events alone without feeling awkward:

• Start with the low hanging fruit - this will vary from person to person, but start with what seems least challenging for you, personally. You might start with a movie or a small house party; someone else may start with a concert of 20,000 people; but whichever feels least intimidating is the place to start.

• Make it an experiment - back to just trying it out for a couple hours, see what you can play with. There’s a fantastic opportunity to be an observer - and you can get as geeky as you like with it. A friend I discussed this post with keeps a running tab of the kinds of food she sees delivered to other people. 

• Be interested, not interesting - don’t worry about if you’re interesting, cool, pretty, or smart “enough” to talk with new people and be out on your own. Be interested in them, ask them questions. Then the awkwardness will truly disappear.

And you can always practice by joining us at a Skip the Small Talk near you.