How to Make Friends When You’re Always Busy
Busy is the by-word of the day, especially once we enter the working world…pretty much until we stop working, if we are so lucky. I hear frequently from casual connections that they want more friends, or they grieve the tight knit friends of their school days, but cannot imagine having time to make new friends.
If your google calendar looks like a coat of many colors, or you find yourself crashing at 10pm feeling like you’ve had no meaningful connection in a day, I hope these suggestions will help you!
Setting your priorities, saying yes, making friendship part of daily life, and building resilience in the face of disappointment will go a long way.
Prioritize Friendship
First off, the hands down best making friends advice I’ve run across online is this video from Hank Green of the Nerdfighteria. Check it out for the basics, since this blog is focused on how to do this when you’re busy.
The hottest take I’ll offer today is this: it’s not about busyness, it’s about priorities.
Unfortunately, priorities aren’t just a file folders you can re-arrange on a whim. Most of us have to have a job; if we have children, elders, or others in our care, that has to come high on the list.
However, we cannot break out of patterns that leave us lonely and hungry for friendship without make it a priority. Like any other goal or habit, developing friendships require you to set aside the time, follow through (sometimes even when you don’t feel like it), and keep showing up over time.
Evaluate what’s making you busy - what is optional? What is draining you? It shouldn’t be zero sum, it can be a question of degree: leaving work right at the end of your shift to make that event, for example.
Get Cozy with Disappointment
I know, I’m such a downer today. However, accepting that you will be disappointed - events will stink (guaranteed nonstink, friend-making events by Skip the Small Talk are posted here!), people will flake, and not everyone will turn out to be your eventual bestie.
Practicing being present in the here-and-now, feeling your emotions and understanding them better, and trying again after a setback will make the inevitable disappointments easier to bear.
Say Yes
If you’re hurting for connection, try saying yes to every opportunity you can without exhausting yourself.
That means saying yes to the things outside your normal, or to people you wouldn’t immediately gravitate to. That doesn’t mean suddenly picking up a drug running side line in hopes of making new friends, but it does mean trying new things and staying open.
Make it a Habit
There are two kinds of friend making habits. First, making friendship part of daily life (as I talked about in the recovering from burnout post) is critical especially for busy people. Invite friends to go on errand hangs, eat lunch with colleagues, and chat up the people you see at the bus stop. You’re already there, so make the most of it!
Second, figure out what kind of social animal you are. Do you prefer to invite someone to an event and meet you there? Do you want to throw a movie night at your place? Do you want to show up to the chess club and chat up whoever happens to be there? We all have our own style. For me, I like to host regular events and invite new potential friends to them (I’ve done movie nights, monthly pot lucks, or bi weekly roller skating adventures).
For all of us, the rhythm and regularity of it is key: inviting someone/s out once a week to your favorite jam night at your local watering hole, showing up at chess club, or finding that regular thing you put on at your house will become part of the flow of daily life, and not something extra you have to fit in.
And make a habit of checking out the Skip the Small Talk events in your area - you never know who you’ll meet, or when friendship will spark!
Folks at an actual Skip the Small Talk event