3 Books To Read When It’s All Falling Apart
taking time to process difficult times
It doesn’t take a meteorology degree or a career in politics to look around these past weeks and point out the way so much of what we felt was normal is coming apart at the seams. The cost of living going up, war crimes on 4 continents, and upturned rules of engagement in US politics are bellwethers of larger instability.
And for many of us, these world issues may be the background track to personal difficulties: break ups, job loss, bereavement, and more diffuse forms of suffering like loneliness and anxiety.
There are many wise responses to suffering (ours and others), including most importantly finding your people, having a goal, making a plan, and doing it. Here at Skip the Small Talk, our lane is solidly relational and individual in scale. Today’s advice is for the down time, and the nourishing of your mind while you are navigating the falling apart.
These books take a deeper dive into how we can use friendship, connection, and grief to forge a path in our lives, even when things look pretty bleak.
My three book recommendations
Radical Friendship by Kate Johnson - drawing on Buddhist teachings about spiritual friendship, this book offers 7 strategies for helping us live our values in our friendships and relationships. (spoiler: one of them is being a friend to yourself!)
Love in a F&#&%ed Up World by Dean Spade - take a deep dive into unlearning the harmful narratives about romance, sex, and friendships we may have internalized as part of our upbringing.
Rebellious Mourning edited by Cindy Milstein - an anthology on the collective work of grief, organized into stand alone chapters perfect for your bus ride or downtime between shifts. It offers perspectives from all over the world on building social systems that mobilize grief for positive change.
Reading Together
The book club is a classic - and the winter of our discontent is a great time to revive it! It doesn’t have to be a big production. Ask a couple of friends, siblings, or roommates. Make your book club conversations effective by setting reasonable expectations (e.g., 1-2 chapters per session), making a regular time that you prioritize, and sharing treats or a meal during the event.
Try on these questions for these books or any others that touch on relational topics:
When you read this (chapter, passage, anecdote), what stories did it connect with in your own life? Who and what places came to mind as you read?
What did you disagree with in this week’s reading? What challenged you and why?
What are you learning about your personal script for relating with others? Do you want to change anything based on your reading? What do you already do that you feel proud of?
Keep building connections
Staying connected, no matter how fragile that line feels, is what makes us able to survive and grow during hard times.
Come share your insights from your readings (and recruit for book clubs!) at a Skip the Small Talk event near you!
Folks at an actual Skip the Small Talk event