How to Create Phone-Free Time With Friends
two friends laughing while enjoying time by a river
Does this feel familiar? After a week coordinating a time in the group chat, deciding where to be and who will bring what, you and the crew are all together - but heads are bent towards phones within 15 minutes.
Everyone’s talking about the over/use of cellphones. From school districts to psychologists to (ironically) social media influencers. My social media feeds are full of targeted ads for products and apps that claim to help my “get my life back” from my phone.
Noticing how this extends even to carefully orchestrated group hangs, I want to explore: how can we consciously create time with our friends that give us a break from the phone?
Take a Breath
According to Consumer Affairs, “Americans spend 4 hours and 30 minutes on their mobile phones and check their phone 144 times per day.” and more than half of us consider ourselves “mobile phone addicts” (AddictionCenter says only 6.3% meet criteria for this behavioral addiction).
If you just felt a wave of shame and resignation, let’s back up and offer compassion - these devices and associated apps are literally designed to be addictive. It’s profitable and popular to undermine our behavioral and emotional health.
The good news is - a small helping of intention along with our socializing and thoughtful habit building can still triumph over the bells and whistles of the advertisers and tech oligarchs.
Here are three quick tips for creating phone-free time with friends.
focus on fun, friendship, and connection (not lack of Phone)
My friends in 12 step recovery remind me that it’s a lot easier to do something than to not do something. For example, if I say “don’t think of an elephant!” - you’re probably thinking of an elephant. But if I say, think of a tiger - now we’re roaring!
So when you propose some phone free time, make it a footnote rather than the focus. “Hey, I’d love to get together and do xyz! I’d also love a break from our phones while we do it. You in?”
Put the phones out of the room
A small 2018 study found that even having your phone nearby worsened attention and accuracy in the exercises. Now, we aren’t taking tests but the wisdom comes through:
put your phones in another room
leave the in lockers or storage areas,
have one person put them in the bottom of their backpack if you’re doing an outdoors activity
plan activities where everyone has a role
It might feel awkward at first - my phone is definitely my security blanket in certain social situations. Good hosting and role distribution can help interrupt that. Rotate the responsibility of picking the activity - more often than not, people will just be happy to do something together and will be relieved that someone else made the decision!
Brainstorm and decide on projects or activities that require everyone involved.
Board games or card games
baking projects
collaborative art projects like collaging together, making a portable mural
scavenger hunts
Storytelling or verbal games: son’t be afraid to break out the campfire games like “Mafia” or prompts from creative writing class to tell stories.
Think about activities that use multiple senses and get us trying new things - after all, that’s how our phones keep us engaged.
Quick solves
Some quick work arounds for common problems with phone free time
Keeping track of time: get a clock or watch to keep track of time - it can even be one person’s responsibility to do that for the group
Important or urgent messages might come in: child or elder care, getting called into work, medication reminders, etc are still important! It’s okay to make an exception to the no phone “rule”, just adjust the expectation to meet that need. Alternatively, agree to have ringers/alarms loud enough that they can be heard in the other room or set intentional moments to do a quick and functional phone check
Instructions needed: take an extra moment to jot down (or print out, if you are so blessed) additional instructions; or break out a designated device (smart TV, laptop, or tablet, if available) if you need to consult instructions or instructional videos again.
Remember what it’s all about
Remember that the goal isn’t having a morally admirable relationship with your phone. The goal is to really be present in your life and your time with friends. The deck can feel stacked against us, but with a little intention, a dash of planning, and a sense of humor we can start setting down new habits that support our goals.
Wondering who you’ll do all this wonderful phone free socializing with?
Join us at a Skip the Small Talk event near you to start building those genuine connections!
Folks at an actual Skip the Small Talk event